I see you darl.
The one people turn to in a crisis.
The glue holding things together.
The one who hates seeing people struggle and wants to make them feel better.
You are the one who had to grow up quickly.
You were the one who seemed ‘older than their age’.
You had to become a caretaker early on. Whether that was because your parent struggled with their mental, emotional, physical health, or even addiction. You became the parent to family.
Over time it became your identity. The one who gets s**t done. The superhero in a crisis.
The Rescuer was born.
On the face of it, we can wear the Rescuer with pride….We are good, caring and empathetic right?
The thing is, behind all our conditioned behaviour is a disconnection from our authentic Self, and in many cases implications for our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. Over time we struggle to access our authentic Self, our intuition, and our nurturing inner voice. Our worthiness gets messily entangled in caretaking and rescuing and we can get trapped in a Codependent cycle.
What is Codependency?
“Definitions of codependency vary, but typically include high self-sacrifice, a focus on others' needs, suppression of one's own emotions, and attempts to control or fix other people's problems. People who self-identify as codependent exhibit low Self esteem, but it is unclear whether this is a cause or an effect of characteristics associated with codependency. Codependency is not limited to married, partnered, or romantic relationships, as co-workers, friends, and family members can be codependent as well.”
As a recovering Codependent myself, I remember the first time I heard the word ‘manipulative’ in reference to my behaviour. It stung like nothing else. “What? Me? Manipulate?” The shocking reality is we will subconsciously manipulate situations to get our needs met by rescuing and fixing the situation.
These dynamics that we foster, whether at work, at home, or with romantic partners become increasingly disempowering for everyone involved.
The signs that you may be ready to Release the Rescuer, heal and transform include:
You are exhausted all the time.
You spend most of the time worrying about people and scenarios.
Your inner critic is becoming louder and more destructive.
You have zero Self Care – you feel you haven’t got time for that.
You feel like you are always embroiled in some kind of drama.
You feel incredibly guilty if you say No and put yourself first.
You are finding yourself gravitated to or stuck in toxic relationships.
You are smiling on the outside but bottling feelings of anger, resentment and frustration.
Your emotions may be exploding without warning.
Don’t worry darl, we have got you.
The great news is you can release the rescuing cycle. You can be a caring, empathetic and supportive person who puts their needs first for their holistic health and wellbeing.
Whether you just want some more information or you are ready to invest in your Self longer term, we have got a range of support available.
Online Workshop – ‘Release the Rescuer. Reclaim your Energy’. Tuesday 13th June @ 7:30pm BST. Zoom. Replay available. £35 (including two hypnotherapy tracks to listen to at leisure). Tickets here: https://mailchi.mp/jessfrost/rescuer-workshop
Online group healing programme for Codependency – coming Autumn 23!
3-Month 1:1 Coaching Programmes with Jess Frost or Nick Edgar. Online or face to face in Nottingham, UK. Utilising their training in breakthrough, transformational coaching, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Hypnotherapy, Emotional Freedom Tapping, Time Line Therapy and Breathwork for emotional release, these longer term programmes help you shed the past and reclaim your beautiful authentic Self. Apply here: www.the3espace.com
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Connect with Nick Edgar on Instagram: @nickedgarcoaching